FRIDAY MARCH 8Th
I stopped updating this blog because I tried to get better.
It took a while but I think Im getting there. This whole time ive been talking to the wrong people. the wrong men. Men who didnt care about my feelings and i thought that was okay and the reason why i was sad was because I was doing something wrong. That’s partly true. I realized the men I was invloved with werent good for me and I found a guy who is. Im sooo happy with him and hes good to me. He cares for me and is soooo patient. He really cares. At first I didnt expect much from him. I thought he just wanted to have fun then leave me like the rest. He is all I ever needed and i’m so thankful.
Last night was amazing. I kissed your neck, you said id get you worked up if I continued. So I did. and it was the best feeling. You pulling me closer, your strong hands touching my delicate body. The strength of your hands pulling my head closer to yours. Your kisses. but my favorite was the look in your eyes. Ive never seen that look before.. you looked like you were in another world. you looked more than happy…I cant explain it. I loved it. It gave me the energy to keep going. that moment we had together was the best I’ve ever experienced.
The thought that it had to end and that I had to go on with life made me uneasy…I want to be underneath you..under the protection of your body as we forget about the world and enjoy each other.
im very sad and im not sure why. everything coming to mind is a bad thought. I dont want to think about these things. Its like im never happy and i was totally fine with that until now and Im basically just tired of being sad. tired of bothering people with this. tired or living. i feel like me living is just a taste of what life really is and that i can just quit whenever i want because im not really living. does that make sense? i feel like my life is not real and maybe i wasnt supposed to live this long. I dont enjoy life at all and Im also not sure if i’d enjoy hurting the people i’ve known in this “life” by hurting myself.
Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
I’m on fire
Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
I’m on fire
It’s like someone took a knife
Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my skull
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
Oh, oh, oh I’m on fire
Oh, oh, oh I’m on fire
Hey little girl is your daddy home
Did he go away and leave you all alone
I got a bad desire
Oh, oh, oh I’m on fire
Tell me now baby is he good to you
Can he do to you the things that I do
I can take you higher
Oh, oh, oh I’m on fire
I’m on fire
I’m on fire
I’m on fire
You only talk to me when you need me? I guess that’s how everyone is now. I shouldn’t make it seem like a bad thing. I know if I lived near you I’d be over when you’d call because I want you just as much.
Head like a hole, black as your soul. I’d rather die, than give you control
“
| — | Nine Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine, Head Like A Hole (via a-shipwreck-in-the-sand) |
